Payton is one! That means we managed to keep our child alive! This is a HUGE task, obviously. I have reason to believe that it will only get more difficult as Payton gets more active, and it's a task I will gladly perform because I love her and would do anything for her. As I look back to the first days of her life I'll be the first to admit that I was a tad overprotective. But how can anyone blame me, or any other new parent, for acting this way? I was partly responsible for one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me, to keep her safe, happy and loved. The last thing, I will do to my end of days, the second, I'm sure will be hit and miss in her teenage years, and the first I will try my hardest until I have to learn she can do things on her own and protect herself. Don't get me wrong, I will always worry about her and if she asks for my help with anything I will gladly give it. But I don't want to be a helicopter parent her entire life. Even now I'm finding that I have to let her do things on her own so she learns. Do I always want to catch her when she falls? Sure. But should I? No, or else she'll never learn to catch herself.
Before Payton was born I had no worries about being a parent. I have been around little kids my entire life, but that was just it. I was only "around" them, it wasn't my job to raise them from scratch and if they cried or pooped their pants I could always hand them back to whoever they came from or was caring for them, which was usually my mom since it was at our in-home daycare. After she was born, I wouldn't call it worried necessarily as much as it was entering new territory. I used to babysit kids and babies all the time, but a baby of my own? How would I care for her and keep her alive? What types of things would I do as a parent compared to what I wouldn't do? Will she know that I will always love and care for her? Before she was born I swore there were things that I wasn't going to do after she was born. While pregnant I would read the information about how you shouldn't cover babies with blankets while sleeping in a crib. I thought that was insane! How were you supposed to keep a baby warm? I felt that was torture. And then it came time to put her to bed at our house for the first time. My first thought was, where's the blanket? I immediately retracted and thought, no she could bring her legs or hands up to her face causing the blanket to smother her. She doesn't know to remove something that's blocking her face. I mean, we have to teach her how to sleep for god sake! This is where the swaddler was our saving grace. It wrapped around her tightly and was secured by heavy duty velcro. Even now I'm hesitant putting a blanket in the crib with her, which we don't. We don't swaddle her anymore, but she has on extra warm jammies and keep her room warm enough. I was also adament about not laying her on her stomach for anything, tummy time excluded. I was terrified she would bury her face in her matress. I'm way more relaxed about this now, not just because she's clearly old enough to old her head up, but even I felt I was being a little too weird about it.
The way that I feel about my mothering techniques isn't because of what online articles or statistics show. I do them because it's the way I feel about how to parent. When I look back on the things our parents did to raise us, I'm not judgemental about it. It's all they knew. They had no problem laying babies on their tummies to go to sleep, and the majority of us are still alive after the fact. But knowing what I know now with the glorious invention of the internet, and how back sleeping is preferred because it's significantly reduced the percentage of babies succumbing to SIDS, that's how I put Payton to sleep. Sure, I had to read online articles to learn the reason why babies should be put on their back but I didn't do it to jump on a bandwagon. I did it because I wanted to keep my baby safe.
Then again, there are things that I thought I would never do as a parent and have ended up doing them. I never thought my child would still have a binky by the time she was one. I don't want her being the kid who still has a binky when she's three. I've seen that kid and it looks a little silly. I also don't want there to be pictures of her with a binky when she's three and have her be teased by her friends at the slideshow at high school graduation because of it. So far, we're on the right path to taking it away. She hasn't needed it to go to sleep for about two weeks now and I'm thrilled! And she doesn't need it all that much during the day either, so I think we're doing ok. I can't speak for Heath, but my parenting style will probably constantly change, or relax, the more as time goes on. I have no doubt that when Payton gets older she's going to gripe to her friends about how we're so hard on her while her younger sibling gets away with everything. I feel this is societies running gag on the oldest child. Why? Because they're the guinea pig for first time parents. They want to make sure everything is perfect, and whatever they learn that's how the second child is raised, which is undoubtedly a more relaxed parenting style. I've felt this way, Heath has felt this way, and every first child who I've happened to have a conversation pertaining to this topic has felt this way compared to their siblings. Just the nature of the beast I suppose. Being a parent is the most rewarding thing I've ever done, cliche I know. Payton has taught me so much about myself, forcing me to look at what I do and don't want to pass on to her. Do I want her to be high-strung? No. Am I doing my best to try and correct that flaw about myself? When around her, yes, which is most of the time. Do I want her to have an overbearing fear of spiders? No, so I do my best to be calm around them, douse them with Raid and leave them be until Heath comes home, atleast the big ones anyway. Small ones I can take care of. Not like I'm calling a neighbor or friend to come take care of it, sorry mom. ;) Trust me, I never thought I would witness a grown woman having a panic attack because a daddy long-leg was five feet from her, again, sorry mom. ;) Do I do THAT? No. Do I freak out if a bee is two inches from my face? Yes, because bees are scary and can hurt you, and I don't want to find out if I'm allergic or not. But that's a different blog post.
The point of this post is that I can't wait to celebrate many, many more birthday with my wonderful daughter. Will I be a pain in her ass? Probably. Will I always wonder about whether or not I'm doing the right thing as a mother? Most likely, but I'm entitled. I AM her mother after all. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment