I'm not sure how to put into words what I'm about to say. Growing up I lived in the suburbs. We could ride our bikes down the street, play street hockey with the neighbor kids, play hide and seek over the span of three lawns (ours and two neighbors) in the summer until daylight was gone, catch lightening bugs after hide and seek was over, etc. I had more kids in my elemetary school classes than she will ever have in her graduating class. Having around 60 kids per grade level in elementary school to over 150 in my graduating class. Playing in a kick ass marching band in high school complete with band camp (please keep crude comments to yourself. I've heard it a million times), early morning practices, out of state band trips, field competitions to where we kicked ass and took names.
I look back on all of that and I realize that Payton won't get to experience that. It's very bitter-sweet for me. All of those experiences made me who I am. When Payton gets to be in elementary school we hope to have a house in the country with a few acres of land. You can't play hide and seek across neighbor's lawns when your closest neighbor is half a mile away, or ride your bike in the street, or play street hockey. She won't get to experience intense band field competitions that give you goosebumps when waiting to hear if your "team" scored a Superior (the highest) rating, (if she's interested in playing an instrument, that is). She won't know what it's like to have a graduating class over 30. I had 30 kids in most of my elementary school classes, but there were also three different classes for each grade (i.e. three third grade classes, three fourth grade classes, etc. and each one had about 30 kids). She'll never get to experience walking or riding her bike to school.
I know nothing about living in the country. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't give up rural living for all the tea in China, it's just unfamiliar territory for me. The only time I saw corn on a stalk, or with husks and silk when I was a kid was when we were driving on the interstate to visit family, or when my grandma would buy it from the farmer's market in the parking lot of Ace Hardware. I never had to ride a bus to get to school, Payton might. I never woke up to a field of corn or soybeans next to my house, but Payton will. Our "shed" was a small building in the backyard that housed our lawn mower. A "shed" in the country houses a combine or tractor. I never took part in 4-H, the home ec. aspect or animal showing aspect, Payton will most likely show cattle. The information I've learned about cattle has all come from Heath in the six years we've been together. I've fed a calf, and let it suck on my fingers, but I've never raised anything bigger than a medium sized dog and here our six year old (albeit in about 5 years) will show an animal far more larger than she is. I'm fully relying on Heath for moments like that because I've never experienced anything like it. I've watched my brothers-in-law at cattle competitions and it is a COMPELTELY different game. "Trophies" are sometimes in the form of belt buckles, and learning how to drive with a cattle trailer is common place for a 14 year old. The only time I saw livestock was when we occassionally went to the county fair. When she shows in a cattle competition, the hair on my arms will stand straight up just like they did when I waited for band competition results. It'll be the small town moments that Payton experiences that will define who she will grow up to be. I'm sad because she won't get to experience the things that I did. She won't get to ride her bike to the water park, or walk to Dairy Queen from her grandparents house in the summer. But I'm happy because she'll experience things that will give her memories she'll never forget. I'm happy she'll get to experience country life so that I can see the kind of things Heath did when he was growing up, but experience it through her. Living in the country will be all that she'll know. Most likely she'll only ever live in two houses her entire life before moving out for college. I, on the other hand, lived in three before seventh grade. I'm excited to see who she'll be from the experiences she takes with her, and hope that one day she won't think it's weird that I used to ride my bike in the street.
