With a Little Help From My Friends

The title of this blog doesn't necessarily have anything to do with me, but it encompasses the passion and love going around in our group of friends.  It's no secret that our circle of friends are more so thought of as a family.  This weekend we all came together to honor and celebrate the life of one of our family member's parents.  Last week, our friend Kristy's mom Lori passed away after a 10 year battle of cancer and Saturday was the funeral.  The past couple of months we've watched Lori battle that horrible disease, and Kristy was right there by her side comforting her, making sure she was as comfortable as she could be. 

Kristy, never being one to burden anyone with her problems, did her best to hold her head high and stomach it all.  Her concern was with her mom, not with the emotional toll it was taking on her, which is what a good person does.  They don't think about themselves in a time like that.  They perform selfless deeds for those around them, and that's exactly what Kristy did.  She spent as many hours and days as she could with her mom gaining precious moments and savoring every last minute.

The last month and a half were the hardest to watch.  Lori was moved to the nursing home in Louisville, which I can't speak for anyone else but myself, was difficult to wrap my head around.  It isn't normal for someone Lori's age to have been admitted to a nursing home.  The first time we went to visit Lori wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be.  She looked good and her attitude was exceptionally optimistic for someone with the highest stage of cancer.  Soon after Lori took a turn for the worse.  Heath and I knew we wanted to see Lori again since it would probably be the last chance we had to do so.  We debated taking Payton because 1) she's so young yet and were unsure if her immune system would be able to withstand the environment of the nursing home, and 2) we didn't know how it would affect Kristy and Lori.  After calling the nursing home to see if it was ok to take a 6 week old baby in, and after asking Kristy what she thought we ultimately decided to take Payton because we knew how much Lori loved babies, and we wanted to try and put a smile on Lori's face.  And we wanted Payton to meet Lori.  Along with us were two of our other "family members", Darin and Abbie.  Since Darin grew up across the road from Kristy, seeing this was almost as hard as it was for Kristy to go through it.  Abbie being there I think helped ease it for Darin.

As we were getting ready to leave Lori's room she stated that she wished she could hold Payton.  Since she didn't really have the ability to move her arms any more Heath, still holding Payton, placed her in Lori's arms.  I've never been so proud to call Heath my husband.  Watching him helping carry out a task like that for Lori was wonderful and heartbreaking at the same time.

During the course of this ride Heath and I both talked about why neither of us had cried.  We both felt cold-hearted and were afraid that we would come off that way to those around us.  I spoke with Lisa, another "family member", about this and discussed that the reason was because we were celebrating Lori, and thinking of the good times.  We didn't want to think about her not being here or her being in pain.

When we got the word that Lori had passed on our hearts went out to Kristy, Bj and Tom, Lori's husband.  The day she died happened to be my birthday, but celebrating my birthday was the furthest thing from my mind.  I was concerned about Kristy and her family.  We went out that night, and in my mind it was to celebrate Lori, not me.  To me, my birthday is just another day.  In my mind I was celebrating Lori's life.

Friday night after the viewing for Lori us "relatives" went to have some libations to try and deal with what we just experienced, and to gain a little bit of strength to help deal with what was to happen the next day, Lori's funeral.  While at the bar, as I was saying goodbye to Kristy I broke down.  I felt awful.  Here I was, crying my eyes out and Kristy, Abbie and Lisa were comforting me.  Talk about feeling like an ass.  I was supposed to be one of the strong ones and be there for Lori's family, not sobbing like a moron.  What ran through my mind was how difficult this must be for Kristy.  I could never imagine leaving Payton, and being a new mom, only have a slight, slight, slight feeling of how Lori must have felt leaving her daughter.  I knew I had to pull myself together and not be a blubbering idiot because the next day it wasn't going to be me, nor should it be me who people need to be comforting.  I pulled myself together to be there for Kristy, as well as the rest of the family, real and figuratively.

Saturday was difficult.  Heath and I knew we needed to be there for Kristy's family as well as our family of friends.  During the service I looked at Lisa and Abbie and noticed I wasn't alone in letting the waterworks flow.  What did it for me was the casket being wheeled down the church aisle.  It hit home for me that this was it.  Even though I've never seen Heath cry, and he still didn't, I know he had a hard time seeing that too.  Afterall, he's known Lori as long as he's known Kristy.  He considers Kristy his sister since he never had any of his own, and neither he, I, nor any of us hate seeing her in pain.  We all knew and know we need to be there for Kristy, Bj and Tom.  It's difficult for any of us to witness this happen, and we all need to be there for eachother to help us all cope.  With a little help from our friends, I think that's possible.